Kon Kessha Golden(By Mer & Fen)

[Rose Leocadia]

Long live creepy pervy Karzan!

[Hitsugaya]

XD

God damn, I can't bring myself to hate what you've turned Karzan into on the Goldens...its just too funny!

[Kyoshin Oscuro]

Yeah, Karzan is now...

[Shakan]

Kon Kessha Mini Golden!

Not actually a golden. All golden rights are owned by Meress. This is just another rip off because I'm currently bored. yahtzee!

Posting as another...

Blood as...

Kuro: Walks in. Everyone dies.
Nonko: Walks in. Everyone dies.
Azerik: Walks in. Everyone dies!
Karzan: Chases Clyde in lustful abandon while everyone dies.

Zakura as...

Claira: *passed out*
Rose: *passed out*
Drystan: *Groping passed out Rose*
Karzan: *Thankful that Clyde is passed out*

Kyoshin as...

Zakura: How the hell am I doing this with chains?
Rose: How the hell am I doing this with chains?
Miwa: Let me guess... more f*cking chains?!
Karzan: Yes! Clyde's tied down with chains!

Karzan as...

Clyde: OMG! OMG! OMG! YES! *drools*
Kyoshin: *steals Clyde's laundry while drooling*
Mijek: *Ties Clyde up with his shikai while drooling*
Nero: Who's the big spoon now... Clyde?! *Slobber.

[Sigil]

Okay, that is just...........epic.

[Clyde]

There seems to be an unhealthy obsession with me going on... O.O;

[Miwa Kiyomizu]

*sits on Clyde's lap, while wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit*

Tell me about it.

[Drystan Deverell]

There's something utterly fantastic about Karzan being Mr.Herbert...but it feels so wrong.

[Asao Asakobi]

*chuckle* that is exactly what Mijek would do if he lusted after chil- I MEAN CLYDE....>_>...yeah...Clyde...

[Hirugane Tetsujin]

frick changed accounts to lazy.

Also goldens are for everyone, i took the idea from Crackfics by a guy named Last Cetra on my first bleach board....but since i am more woprdy mine tend to be to longwinded and only get chuckles...everyone is freely allowed and encouraged to make these. it's a good community thing.

[Shakan]

Shakan: With the success of my first mini-golden I shall press on! My mini-golden shall evolve into......!

Kon Kessha Golden!

It's a good community thing!

Unhealthy Obsession
Clyde's Bad Day

5:50 AM

*Bedside alarm goes off*
Clyde: ZzZ...Zz.... mmm... Time to get up..

*Reaches over to turn off alarm. Instead turns alarm into a sausage*
Clyde: ! The hell?

6:15 AM

*Water streams down from the shower head as Clyde washes up, preparing for the day. Unbeknownst to him in Hueco Mundo however...*
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*Las Noches Throne room*
Karzan: Were you successful in your mission Kyoshin?

Kyoshin: Like obviously! *points to his eye socket. An eye missing*

Kazan: *With fingers touching each other* Excellent... turn on the live feed! *Both turn to a large, recently installed projector screen on one of the large walls as it begins to turn on.*

*Clyde appears on the screen as the sound of a shower running comes through on the recently installed surround sound system*

Karsan: *Chokes back a tear* Its.... so... oh.... such.... *snort, then sigh*.... tenderness...

Kyoshin: *Is in utter disbelief and shock* Great... I'm just a convenient spy cam....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8:30 AM

*Clyde, having finished a hearty breakfast, walks off to the local market*

Clyde: Ok... eggs... milk... hmm... do I want cookies?

Miwa: Clyde! *Runs up eating cookies*

Clyde: Oh hey Miwa. Is that cooki- *gets cut off*

Shakan: Yo you're that Sorcerer's Stone dude aren't you?

Clyde: You mean Philosopher's Stone?

Shakan: Ok Mr. Potter... no need for the blatant rip off.

Captain Bravo: ..... Thought I'd say it didn't you?

All: *Whew*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1:30 PM

*Back at the Manga Shop*

Clock on the wall: Tick... tick... tick... tick...

*Clyde stands at the counter*

Clyde: Of all the things Ryo could have done... a manga shop! Didn't he know of internet pirating?! *Slams fist down onto counter. Counter turns into cheese*

Clyde: Oh damn it all! Gotta order another counter..." *Goes to pick up phone. Phone turns into cookies.*

Clyde: Really?! Oh f*ck it. *Eats cookies*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in Las Noches

*Static is all that is on the screen. Karzan is laying in front of it in a fetal position*

Karzan: *shaking uncontrollably* Where.... where did you go....? Kyoshin!

*Kyoshin walks in*

Kyoshin: Yes?

Karzan: I have a mission for you of the utmost importance!

Kyoshin: Shit.....
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Back at the Manga Shop*

6:30 PM

James: I'm here for-

*Clyde barrels through the cheese counter at high speed and stops right in Jame's face*

Clyde: For training?! Small talk?! Keep me company?! I'll sooooo train you! Let's go downstairs to the training room where I'll train you so hard!

*James panics and runs out of the shop screaming*

James: *As he runs* All I wanted was Naruto!!!

*Clyde runs after him and stops outside of the door*

Clyde: Wait! I have cookies!.... Naruto sucks anyway! Read a real manga!!! *Walks back inside to his laptop in the back*

Clyde: Well... at least I have you Tom. You'll always be there for me. *Gets on Myspace*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8:30 pm

Clyde: *Yawn* Time for bed. *Walks up to his bedroom where he gets ready for bed*
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile in Karzan's private room in Las Noches (Long winded and totally unnecessary description ftw!)

Karzan: *Sitting on a large throne* Have you completed your mission?

Kyoshin: Are you f*cking blind? *Point's to his face, no eyes to be seen*

Karzan: Excellent... has the projector and surround sound system been installed?

Brago: Yes. Your room now has an epic system for running Modern War- *Gets pimp smacked hard*

Karzan: We do NOT utter that name in my presence, I am the KING!

Brago: *Cowers before Karzan* Yes sire, you are indeed king! *Runs out of the room* Now where is snuffle--

*Nero standing behind Brago*

Nero: Snuffle what?!

Brago: I...err... I mean.... *Brago clearly afraid of the enraged Nero* Please! I'm sorry! No!!!!

Nero: *Nero drags Brago away* Looks like "Snufflepuss" will be big spoon again tonight!

Brago: Noooo!!!!!

Meanwhile back in Karzan's room

Karzan: You may leave Kyoshin. Now!

Kyoshin: Oh good... I can be spared having to watch this... *Kyoshin walks into a wall and trips over an end table before feeling his way to the door*

*Outside of his room*

Kyoshin: Wait a minute.... those are my eyes he's looking through... I can still see it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! * Runs down the hall screaming before running into another wall and falling over* Why did I decide to get the spy cam eyes?!?!!!!!!!

*Back in the room*

Karzan: *Settles into his throne* And it's just you and me now...mwahahahaha Mwahahahaha!!!!!

*Epic tyrannical laughter echoes through the halls of Las Noches as a live feed of Clyde in the bedroom appears on the projector*

Karzan: *notices a joystick attached to his throne* I wonder what this does... *Fiddles with it and notices that the blanket began slowly moving with the motion of the joystick* Oh...! *Chokes on a tear*... This will be.... one.... wild.... night!"

The End

A side note from Shakan: Clyde. Do not feed the trolls... ever!

[Hitsugaya]

Alright, now that's too creepy for me. Who wants to play Karzan from now on?

[Shakan]

Oh its all in good fun. Besides with that golden now out of the way I can focus on others... Karzan and Clyde will probably never have center stage again.

[Hitsugaya]

Well post-timeskip Karzan will be somewhat of an arsehole and angry at everybody, too distracted to continuen obsessing with Clyde anyway.

In any case, that post was a joke...no way in hell would I give up a character I have two commissions for.

[Shakan]

TK: Damn it... I overused the Clyde/ Karzan joke in that golden. Didnt even get so much as a giggle.

Blake: You suck at this... meow.

TK: !

Kon Kessha Golden!

Now with 75% less creepiness!

That's some crack sleuthin' Detective Jin!

It was a lovely summer's day in Karakura town. The sun had reached to the top of the sky with nary a cloud in sight. Along the banks of the Karakura river stood a lush, lone tree. It's full summer plumage of leaves provided a grand escape from the bright sunlight bathing the city. It was also a popular resting spot for a certain person who's name could be misinterpreted as a great alcoholic beverage. Unbeknownst to all however this day... will live... in infamy...

Jin: "I remember a time when I used to bathe in the blood of... well... everyone. Now... I just do cameo--- !"

*Jin approaches the area of his favorite tree, having been in town for who knows what. Instead of seeing the welcome sight of shade on the ground... he was greeted with the sight of the top half of the tree laying on the ground, severed from the trunk that dug into the ground.*

Jin: "Remember what your therapist said before you killed him Jin. In through the nose... out of the mouth..." *He took a deep breath and calmed himself.* "Normally I would just kill everyone. I think I'll do something different..."

Chishiro Detective Agency!

*Detective Shiro Jin and his bumbling apprentice, James, looks over the fallen corpse of the tree.*

James: "How the hell did I wind up here?"

Jin: "Silence Watson!" *Pimp slap to James' head.* "Look for clues you insufferable dolt!"

James: ... *Lays unconscious on the ground*

Jin: "This way Watson. The game.... is afoot!"

*Oboe music plays to Jin and James quickly walking through town to a market.*

Jin: "This is the real scene of the crime. Over there!" *Jin points and drags James over to a stall where Clyde is currently browsing*

Jin: "This man here spent all day consuming large quantities of gin." *A snicker escapes James' mouth as Clyde turns around.*

Jin: "There! That man!"

*Before Clyde had time to say one word Jin and James shuffles down into the school district of the city.*

James: "What are you doi--" *Jin pimp slaps James again*

Jin: "Silence Watson! This man!" *Jin drags the unconscious James up to a school teacher* "This man is the real killer!"

* A scream is heard off in the distance. Jin drags James off to it with the Oboe playing again*

*The two detectives scurry up to Miwa near the Manga Shop. She looks up at a cat in a tree*

Miwa: "Please detective! Get my kitty down from there!"

Jin: "There Watson!" *Points at Miwa* "There is your culprit!" *Jin aims his free palm at the kitty and blasts it into oblivion to the utter shock of Miwa*

James: "What... the... fu-" *Gets pimp slapped yet again.*

Jin: "Silence Watson! We must make haste!"

*Drags James off again to yet another random place in the city... the Park*

*Nonko and Kuro are seen fighting over some vial of liquid. Jin simply walks up and grabs the vial from the now stunned pair.*

Jin: "The man *points to Kuro* was attempting to drink large quantities of gin while the wife *Points to Nonko* wanted it for herself and attempted to kill him with THAT saw over there!" *Points to a random saw propped up against a tree.*

James: "Who the hell is guilty then Detective Jin?!" *A battered and abused James would blurt out*

Epic solving of the crime about to commence in 3...2...1...

Jin: "By looking over the astounding amount of evidence we have gathered I have managed to deduce that it is too hard to find the culprit and much easier to simply....

... Kill Everyone."

All: FFFFFUUUUUUUU!!!!!! *Is all that is heard when Karakura Town suddenly implodes in a giant ball of blood.*

*Jin is seen laying underneath his tree, which he fixed using duct tape and good old fashioned ingenuity. Before him lay a destroyed city with all of its inhabitants laying in such a state of blood, gore and upheaval that the phrase Overkill wouldn't even cut it.

Jin: "The moral of this story? Dont fuck with my tree..." *Continues sitting happily against his tree.*

Fin

Authors note: Blake is my cat IRL. The more you know!

[Blood]

hahaha, quite funny if you ask me , good thing everyone died , my tree is precious=)

[MeressXIII]

MeressXIII: OK! New graphics card installed and working alright.

-CPU temp spikes to 95 °C-

MeressXIII: That shouldn't happen! -opens computer-

-Heatsink fan breaks, front intake fan stops, has complete system's failure-

MeressXIII: T__T It can never simply work, can it?

Old Laptop: No. It can't.

MeressXIII: ಠ_ಠ

KON KESSHA
_GOLDEN

-12th Division Labs-

Azerik: So how is Nanako after that fight?

Nonko: Have a look. Shes on the table.

AzeriK: -sees Nanako nude on a table- . . . This doesn't even phase me anymore.

Nonko: Stick this between her legs -holds out a long rod with a cord leading to a computer-

Azerik: I take what I said back. -walks away hold nose-

-Spoiler Land-

Amalia Hiltraud: I'm the bad guy.

Captain Bravo: BRAVO!

Amalia Hiltraud: 0_o?

-Earth during fight-

Nonko's Dragon: Nom nom nom buildings

Nero: fuck my life...

Nonko: I bet I can make that possible.

Nero: GET AWAY FROM ME YOUR FREAKING CYBORG THING!

Nonko: Dragon. Breath on everyone.

Nonko's Dragon: -Coughs an iceberg-

Nonko: Close enough.

-Seireitei-

Saibo: hmmm?

Nameless Female Shinigami: Sir... is something wrong.

Saibo: You're not wearing a mini-skirt?

Nameless Female Shinigami: Sir?

Saibo: It says right here you should be wearing a sexy mini-skirt. -points at old paper on old that reads Code of 12th Division-

Nameless Female Shinigami: -facepalm-

Blood: CAMEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

-Real Life-

MeressXIII: OK. Now maybe if I jus- -computer bursts into flames-

....

...

..

.

Pinkie Pie: Hi!

MeressXIII: 0_0 -heatattack-

Pinkie Pie: Screw logic I'm Pinkie Pie!

TO BE CONTINUED!

[Hitsugaya]

As always, love my characters in these things XD

[Redwinters]

Damn it Meress, SPOILERS, you bastard XD

[Saibo Tsunaki]

-8th Division Office-

Saibo is seated at his desk, staring at a female 8th Division unseated shinigami and Nanako, giving them a Gendo stare like so:

SPOILER: Click to show

Saibo: Ladies, I have called you both to my office today for a reason...would either of you like to guess what that reason is?

Unseated Female: Um..I don't know sir. I've never been in your office before, but I-

Nanako: Nonko-sama states you are an immature, strange captain that I should avoid contact with if possible, so you are either violent or-

Saibo: *holds up a cucumber* THIS ladies......is a cucumber. There is something wrong with this cucumber...would you like to know what that is?

Unseated Female: I...don't know taichou.

Saibo: *rapeface* It should be a pickle, and I want one of you to fix that.

Unseated Female: o///O

Nanako: Saibo-taichou, are you insinuating that one of us-

Saibo: PUT THIS CUCUMBER IN YOUR LADY PARTS!!!

To Be Continued...?

[/b]